I still catch myself getting turned on in ways that make me pause for a second—like my brain is doing a quick scan to see if I’m “allowed” to feel it. Some days it’s super straightforward and affirming, like my body and my mind are on the same team, and it’s honestly a relief. Other days it’s complicated in that annoying, quiet way—where I’m trying to stay present but also thinking about how I look, how I sound, what parts I’m focusing on, what it “means.” But when it’s good, it’s really good… like this private little moment where I don’t have to perform anything for anyone, I’m just a man in my own head, letting myself want what I want.