The Masturbational

Since the passing of my wife, I've started masturbating more than I ever have. At first it felt wrong, like I was somehow disrespecting her memory. But the nights got so quiet and lonely that it became the only way I could fall asleep. Now I do it almost every night, sometimes twice. I'll lie in our old bed, close my eyes, and stroke myself while thinking about her, or sometimes about nothing at all, just trying to feel something again.

It's not even always about getting off. A lot of the time it's just the need for release after carrying all that heaviness all day. I end up coming hard and then feeling empty again right after. I never expected grief to make me this constantly horny, but here I am.

Recently I've been thinking of joining some sort of masturbators anonymous if there even is such a thing?