The Masturbational

I need to tell you the truth. You think I'm just at home hanging out when you're at work, but I've been seeing other people. Not to date, and not for romance. strictly to get myself off.

I've hooked up with three different people this month alone. Sometimes it's a quick meetup in a car, sometimes I invite them over when I know you're busy. I don't even really care who they are; I just need the validation and the rush. I have one regular who just likes to watch me, and another who is strictly there to use toys on me while I'm restrained. It’s purely transactional, but it gets me off in a way our routine sex life never does.

The worst part is how much I love the duality of it. When I'm with them, I can explore sides of my gender and my sexuality that I feel like I have to suppress with you. I can be the dominant man or the submissive girl, whatever gets the job done. Then I come home, wash their scent off my skin, and curl up next to you like nothing happened. I know it's cheating, but I'm addicted to the variety and the secrecy. I feel alive when I'm with them, and I feel like I'm acting when I'm with you.